Even In Death
by Insanity 101
Summary: When life becomes too much, the mind can be the perfect escape. Dedicated to RebelAquarius. RaeXRob.
1. Chapter 1

_Dedicated to Rebel Aquarius.

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_

**Fatal.**

Robin bit his lip, staring blankly down at the sheet of plain notebook paper. He didn't know what to say, couldn't even see the point in doing this, but he had to. He just had to give it one last try.

**The damage was fatal.**

He watched, entranced, as the pen formed the curves and swirls of her name with a life of its own, becoming an entity entirely apart from him. He realized with a guilty twinge that he had never before written her name...not even once. "Why?"

He closed his eyes, blanked his mind...letting the emotions speak for themselves. The task was much harder than it sounded.

Robin's lips formed the words as the pen scratched across the page with the slow, rhythmic movements of his wrist. The words came straight from his heart.

_I never thought I could feel this alone, like half of me is missing, lost and out of reach. I'm just the crumbled remains, empty and lifeless...alone. I was a fool, a blind fool. I couldn't see it, took it forgranted, but now that it's gone... Now that you're gone, I realize that I can't survive without you. I was a coward, I should have said it, but instead... The day you left I knew, I knew that I loved you, but I never had the chance to tell you. That day killed me, Raven._

_Nothing is the same without you. The whole team wants you back...I want you back. Please, Rae...I love you. Please come back._

He trembled, his hand jerking so violently that a long line of ink appeared on the paper, a tiny water spot soon joining it. The words seemed inadequate, but Robin could do no better. The feeling was above and beyond any word invented in this world.

Somehow...he _had_ to make her understand just how much he ached for her. The thought of his letter going ignored brought a lump to his throat, a tiny drop of water falling beside the first. She _had _to come back.

_"Robin."_

_He didn't even look up, just jerked his head to show that he did, at least, have ears._

_"I brought you some food. Are you...are you hungry?"_

_"I'm busy, Raven." He didn't even try to soften the words, just bent even lower over the sheet of paper, studying the narrow lines of print with enough intensity to light them on fire._

_"I know, but you..." Her voice trailed off, containing more than a hint of worry. His eyes widened in surprise as he began to face her...but then she spoke again, her words hard and accented by the shattering of glass. "For someone so intelligent, you're an idiot."_

_Robin closed up instantly at those words, the rage inside him burning close to the surface. It wouldn't take much more to release the inferno so weakly contained. Some part of him was already afraid of what it would do...the same part that vainly hoped she would stop there._

_"You're going to kill yourself with this insane...stupid...pointless obsession!" His head jerked forward as an unseen force collided with his skull, but still he did not turn his head. "You don't care about anyone or anything! You'd sacrifice every last one of us if it got you a victory, while we're bending over backwards to help you! We care about you! We want you to notice us! Damnit, we want your love!"_

_ Every paper on his desk glowed black and tore itself to shreds as a burning pain ripped across his cheek...a slap in the face. He snapped._

_"Shut the hell up!" He shook her, fingers digging into her shoulders, her feet dangling an inch off the ground. Anger was in control. "You know what, you're right! I don't care about anybody! I hate you all! I don't need anyone or anything! I'm just a psychotic, obsessive FREAK!"_

_His heart pumped franticly in his chest, his mind a burning mass of hatred, fury, pain. Panting from lack of air, every nerve on fire, he glared into deep, dark pools of amethyst._

_Her face was stricken, shocked, at first. But then...the eyes went black, ice creeping into them, violet blood oozing from the pupils, death staring him in the face. There was no anger, as he had expected, no hatred, as he had hoped...there was nothing. The eyes were empty._

_Robin could have sworn that his heart stopped beating in that instant. He let her go without knowing it, shut the door without moving his hands, returned to the desk without walking. He sat in the chair, frozen cold, for what was neither a second nor an eternity. The eyes burned into him...a fiery brand. _

_**I just don't understand. Why would she do it?**_

His lip curled in self-disgust, tears spattering the single sheet of paper until the words were barely legible. The sound was small, weak...but he had never spoken so truly in his life.

"I'm...I'm sorry."

_**No heartbeat. I'm** **sorry, sir. You can't see her.**_

_Robin didn't know what he was going to say or what he could expect in the first place...there was no forgiveness for what he had done. All he knew was that he had to do something, before it killed his body as well as his soul._

_It was a full ten minutes before he could force himself to knock, and when he at last did, the noise was small even in his own ears. It probably didn't even make it through the door--cold sheet of metal that it was._

_"Robin!"_

_He jumped a foot in the air, heart thumping madly as he turned to face a panicked Beast Boy. "What? What is it?"_

_"Raven, she--" The changeling paled until only the barest hint of green could be seen on his face as his eyes widened, acting as mirrors and reflecting Robin's horror back at him. Mouth working silently, he grabbed his leader's arm and dragged him into the common room. _

_His feet carried him towards the couch, but Gar tugged him in the opposite direction, to the kitchen table. Cyborg and Starfire stared up at him with the same look of shock that Beast Boy wore as the half-robot wordlessly handed Robin a folded piece of plain notebook paper. His hands shook as he smoothed out the creases, an unquenchable sense of dread digging at his heart. _

_This is my goodbye, so much later than I expected to give it. My time spent with you has been more than I could ever have hoped for. Better friends could not be found._

_A lump rose in Robin's throat, a gasp echoed in the silence as all the air was forced from his body. Goodbye..._

_Cyborg, you were the big brother I always wished for. Starfire, you were always there for me. Beast Boy, I laughed on the inside. Robin_

**Stop!**

_Cyborg, you were the big brother I always wished for. Starfire, you were always there for me. Beast Boy, I laughed on the inside._

_Thank you for giving me a life worth living. For that, I will always remember you._

_Raven Roth_

_The note dropped from his limp hands, his eyes riveted to the spot where it had been, wide and disbelieving. Just one word, one word containing within it Robin's reason for breathing._

_"Raven."_

It was his fault that she left. It was because of what he had done that she went away and left Titan's Tower an empty shell, inhabited by mindless zombies. The note didn't say where she went...no doubt because she didn't want to be found. He had frightened her. Raven must hate him now.

Robin shivered in the cold, but he didn't really feel it.

**And so, we lay to rest**

His knees were scraped and bleeding from the many times he had fallen on the icy ground. The bridge was old, made of rotting wood that no one had bothered to repair, because "no one came here anyway". It forded the river that ran through the woods outside of Jump City. Raven loved this place. She said that she found herself in the silence, the river soothing her as the wind sang softly through the trees. She had asked him to come here with her more times than he could count.

This was the first time he came.

**Raven, a Teen Titan**

It was stupid, bringing the letter here. She would never get it...she would never know.

"Raven, I'm sorry." The frigid air forced the tears back into his eyes, choking and smothering all remnants of life left in them. Tilting his head back and gazing up at the gray sky through the labyrinth of bare branches, the cold spread through him, numbing his body but not his mind. "Please...where are you?"

**A true friend**

His letter fluttered in the wind, at last breaking free from the ever-weakening grip. His stomach clenched, his throat closed over, his heart froze in his chest as the words played over and over again in his mind, hateful words, vicious lies. He had thrust a dagger through her heart, those eyes said it so plainly. He murdered his only love. With those words, he killed his Raven.

**And a hero of the highest order.**

He could take it no longer. The mute silence that had girpped him since that fateful morning shattered, releasing a roar of agony and regret so powerful that his heart died inside him. Robin broke at last.

"RAVEN!"

"Yes?"

_**Doctor! Irregular heartbeat...we're losing him!**_

His eyes widened in disbelief, though his heart fought wildly for hope, as the voice reverberated throughout his entire being. Moving as though in a dream-state, Robin turned to face her.

**May she forever rest in peace.**

She stood at the opposite end of the bridge, the warm breeze rippling through her long purple hair, a tiny smile on her lips.

"Raven? You...you came back?"

She nodded slowly, but her eyes grew sad. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" she whispered, gazing longingly at the trees all around her, green summer leaves rustling and whispering to their long-lost queen.

_**Clear! Quick, strap him down. Clear!**_

His legs were moving of their own accord, he was laughing and crying as his eyes drank in her every movement, revelled in every feature. His arms wrapped tightly around her, touched her cheek, brushed her hair, ran up and down her arms, held her close against him as kisses were placed on every inch of her...but most importantly, Raven did the same.

_**CLEAR!**_

"R-raven, I-I'm so s-sorry, I d-didn't m-mean any..._any_ of it, R-raven..."

Her smile was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. "Sh, I know. All that matters...is now." Her heart beat reassuringly against his own, waking it from its eternity of sleep. Raven breathed life back into him.

"I'll never leave you again."

**"Stop..." Dr. Harris reached out and caught the nurse's arm, staring blankly at the young face before him. He could tell that it was handsome, once. Before the pain. "We lost him." He pulled the sheet up over the boy's face respectfully, accepting defeat. Maybe it was better this way. "He's gone."

* * *

**

_This is my goodbye, so much later than I expected to give it. My time spent with you has been more than I could ever have hoped for. Better friends could not be found. _

_Cyborg, you were the big brother I always wished for. Starfire, you were always there for me. Beast Boy, I laughed on the inside. Robin, you were my first and only love._

_You gave me a life worth living. For that, I will always remember you...even in death.

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_

If you don't understand what happened, just mention something in the review and I'll explain. -Dusty


	2. Chapter 2

_Well...there seemed to be enough confusion to make it worth explaining, so here goes. Yup, I'm well aware this theme may have been told before, but never with a Dusty twist. No story can be exactly the same as a Dusty-twisted story, you will find.

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_

_"Robin!"_

_He jumped a foot in the air, heart thumping madly as he turned to face a panicked Beast Boy. "What? What is it?"_

_"Raven, she--" The changeling paled until only the barest hint of green could be seen on his face as his eyes widened, acting as mirrors and reflecting Robin's horror back at him._

They were grouped around her, all staring in disbelief.

"No...no...friend Raven..."

"I just don't understand. Why would she do it?"

"Robin...? Whoa, Robin, are you...?"

He shook his head slowly, first this way, then that, repeating the motion faster and faster as his entire body began to shake.

"Robin!" Beast Boy crouched down beside him, fear in his green eyes.

At first, it was too quiet to be heard, but slowly, his voice grew in volume until the word was plain. "Raven."

Cyborg took his shoulders firmly, attempting to sooth him and stop the shaking. "Robin, it's ok. Just calm down...breathe." He had to raise his voice to make himself heard.

"Raven. Raven. Raven. Raven." His voice was hoarse as he continued to shake his head, like a child denying something that just couldn't be true.

Tears flowed freely down Starfire's cheeks. "Robin, please...we cannot...do not leave us as well..."

"Raven! Raven! Raven! Raven!" His voice cracked, the blank mask fixed on the broken maiden lying against the couch cushion as helpless tears rolled one by one down his ghost-white cheeks. His legs gave out, and he crawled unsteadily toward her, a violently shaking hand reaching out to wipe a small streak of blood from her chin. All the while, he never ceased the chant for the barest second, every repetition of the girl's name louder than the last...though they had taken on a desperate note that easily broke the hearts of his friends. "_Raven! Raven! Raven!"_

"Robin, stop! STOP IT!" Beast Boy's face contorted with pain as he clamped his hands firmly over his ears, eyes screwed up, a single tear quivering on the tip of his nose. Starfire's tears had quickly turned to sobs as she hid her face from the sight of her best friend, cold and lifeless against the dark fabric.

"Robin...let her go. Let go now..." Cyborg took Robin's hand, gently pulling him away...

"_RAVEN! RAVEN! RAVEN!" _He seemed completely oblivious to Cyborg, merely clung to her as though his very life depended on it, painful bursts of sobbing punctuating the chant. Robin's gaze never once left her face; silent and cold as it was, it was still beautiful.

"There's nothing you can do. Let go..." The gray of his eye deepened with sympathy as he pried Robin away from her, pinning his arms to his sides and slowly walking away from the source of the boy wonder's misery.

Robin struggled with all his might, his voice breaking over and over again as he fought with inhuman strength. "_RAVEN!" _Ever so slowly, he weakened, the movements half-hearted and empty, making way for the numbing stillness that would follow. "Raven."

Cyborg struggled against his own tears as Robin at last ceased to move at all, submitting to whatever should come next. Yet still, though it had dwindled to a whisper, Robin said her name, as though somehow hoping she would hear him."She's not..." he cleared his throat, blinking rapidly. "She's not coming back, Rob."

"Raven..."_

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_

Cyborg knocked quietly on the door, the look of someone that has suffered an eternity of horror in one day lingering about his gray eye. There was no response...but he hadn't expected one.

The room was pitch-black, not even the light of the moon breaking through the curtain to guide him. He didn't need light.

"Robin..."

The Boy Wonder was silent, sitting in the far corner of the room with his knees drawn up to his chest, fists tightly clasped around his ankles. He rocked gently back and forth, his breathing short and sporadic, his unmasked eyes gazing emptily ahead of him. He no longer shouted her name. He no longer spoke at all.

"Rob...buddy..." His voice broke, a tear forcing itself out of his eye though he jerked it away quickly. He had lost Raven, he couldn't bear to lose him, too. "You...you can't...don't leave, Robin. Please don't--"

He choked, desperation driving him into the room and down on his knees beside Robin. "Please..." He lifted the boy's head, staring straight into his dark eyes, begging for some sign of life in them...

There was nothing. The eyes were empty.

Breaking down into a sob, Cyborg reached out and gathered Robin into his arms, aching for his loss, begging him to come back. He held on, certain that each moment would bring a word from his best friend, that he would hug him back, tell him that he was fine and there was nothing to worry about, tell him what to do. Robin would know what to do... He couldn't be Robin. He couldn't...

Cyborg sat that way for hours on end, but Robin spoke not a word, moved not a muscle. He gave no response whatsoever. By practical means, his body was functioning...but Robin died with his Raven.

* * *

Cyborg, Starfire, and Beast Boy were seated on the front pew, grim-faced and red-eyed with long weary days of tears. It broke their hearts to leave him, but...Robin was in no condition to attend. He had been asked to give a speech. Not one of them felt they could take his place for it.

"And so, we lay to rest Raven, a Teen Titan, a true friend, and a hero of the highest order. May she forever rest in peace." The casket was lowered below the earth, swallowed into the darkness before their eyes as what was nearly the entire population of Jump City threw flowers in after it, tears in many of their eyes. What was left of the team went last, a weary silence hanging over them as they let the purple roses drop softly on the silver casket. There were no words to give her...none that could possibly express the pain of her loss. They had failed her...all of them.

Their eyes widened as Robin appeared beside them, a single red rose clasped in his bare hand, his face tear-stained, his clothes and hair in dissaray. Cyborg stepped toward him, but froze as the indifferent mask flashed in his direction. Even in this state, Robin had that commanding force about him. The only sound was the whistling of the wind as Robin stepped up to the headstone, kneeling robotically beside it. He read the engravement in silence.

_I'll miss the winter _

_A world of fragile things _

_Look for me in the white forest _

_Hiding in a hollow tree _

_Come find me..._

Raven  
1989-2005

Moving as though lost in a dream, Robin brought the rose to his lips and kissed it softly, a single tear falling on its crimson petal...it dropped from his hand, rustling as it fell before the headstone. Walking as though no one else was there, Robin crossed the graveyard, his team following him hesitantly. Cyborg was among the few that understood. A red rose...for love.

* * *

They waited three weeks in the desperate hope that Robin would come back, but with each passing day, his condition grew worse. He never slept, never moved from the corner of his room, refused to eat. They all tried countless times to speak with him, hoping that something would spark life back into him...but to no avail. Robin was an empty shell.

When all else had failed, they resorted to the one thing that none of them wanted to do.

Dr. Harris smiled gently, not the fake nor the overly joyful sort so typical of his kind, but the sympathetic, understanding kind. "I'm so sorry for your loss. I swear to you that I will do everything I can to help him. He'll be safe here."

"Thank you." The words were empty, hollow in his own ears as Cyborg turned to Starfire and Beast Boy, communicating silently with them. Nodding slightly, they turned and walked back down the hallway, the changeling's arm wrapping comfortingly around Star's shoulder.

"Could I...could I have a minute with him?"

Dr. Harris nodded. "Of course. You can stay as long as you want." With that, he left Cyborg alone in the room.

Robin was sitting in the same position he had back at the tower, knees against his chest, though the straight jacket prevented him from grasping his ankles. Just as well. There were scabs where his nails had dug into the flesh.

"She's not coming back, Robin." His voice trembled slightly, frustration leaking into his tone. "Raven's gone. _She's not coming back_."

No response.

They sat in silence for what seemed an eternity, the Boy Wonder showing no sign that he knew anyone was in the room with him. With a sigh, Cyborg reached out and ruffled Robin's hair, just like he used to do when he beat him at Game Station. Back when Robin could still laugh and joke with him.

"See ya tomorrow, buddy..." He managed a small, strangled smile, then turned and stepped out into the slightly less suffocating hallway. No, no matter how bad things looked, he wouldn't give up on Robin. Never.

Just as he shut the door, two words slipped from the room, monotone and automatic, but communication all the same. Whether the words were meant for him or not, it didn't seem to matter. Cyborg smiled a little easier this time, hoping that this was a sign of his friend's recovery. Maybe...maybe somehow, they'd be whole again.

"I'm sorry."

_**Stop... We lost him. He's gone.

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**_

_There...hopefully that cleared up any questions. I'm hoping this wasn't a flop...Furubafun24 suggested that I write this, so this is for her and Rebel. If you are still confused...let me know. -Dusty_


End file.
